OPERATOR PLEASE VS THE UFOS

I’d just started reading a book by David Icke about how the government and The Queen are actually shape shifting reptiles, related by blood to an underground race of aliens. It’s a fucked up book, and on this journey I was really freaking myself out. Me and Ashley were kidding each other to pass the time. I was saying to him, “can you imagine… monsters coming out of the bushes and ripping our car apart!” We were kind of acting stupid, but laughing hysterically because we were so scared. Ashley had said that he didn’t believe in all this stuff – so I told him’ “Just you wait Ashley… when it happens to you, you will believe!” Suddenly a huge fucking bright light swooped over the head of our car. It was so fast that in less than a second it was gone, but it was also so bright that it was blinding. Our tour manager - who’s obsessed with UFOs - stopped the car immediately. He’s always had this thing about wanting to contact aliens – so he thought this was his chance, at last. But we weren’t having it – we started shouting and screaming at him. “What the fuck are you doing? Let’s get out of here!” “No – we have to wait to see if they come back! This is an opportunity!” “Are you kidding me? Get us the hell out of here!” I was on the brink of crying, then suddenly we saw something again. A blimp on the horizon appeared, far too big to be a shooting star, and started heading back for us. It passed over the car again, but further up in the air this time. After that we were truly freaked out. I couldn’t stop thinking of what the book told me; that once aliens are in your life, they never leave. The rest of the drive lasted about three hours. We were so scared that we sat with our backs to the front for the rest of the journey, so we could watch out the back window. Eventually, we stopped at a dusty old Motel. There was a man resting just outside, a total hick – and we explained to him what had just happened. He just sat there and smiled. “Yep,” he said, “that’s the fourth time tonight.” * * * * Illustration by Oli at www.lo-tec.co.uk