Welcome back unsigned music birdwatchers! And welcome, more specifically, to my luxurious kitchen overlooking London's Hyde Park, where I am currently lounging on a pink inflatable sofa. You know, I was in church yesterday and the priest says to me, he says "Alfonzo?" I say "Yes my Holy friend?" He say "You are very kind to review all these unsigned bands. Can I maybe offer you a Sainthood?" I say "No, my friend, but I know a sausage maker who will pay you £3000,000.. " er... hang on. I'm getting a text message. Hey it's the Priest!! Let's see what my buddy have to say. "ALFONZO. PLEASE STOP INCRIMINATING ME ON A NATIONAL WEBSITE. YOU MORON. REVIEW SOME UNSIGNED BANDS OR YOU WILL BE OUT OF THE CHOIR FOR GOOD!" Ahhhh... Hey! He's got a point. Let's listen to some music... WOOOOO - HOOOOO!
You know, sometimes I just feel like ‘getting my shit together in the country’, and hey! Perfect timing SHE’S GOT SPIES. These guys are like The Velvet Underground having a summer break on a farm with all sorts of mad animals running about. They sound so friendly I might ask them to babysit my love children!
RATING: VEGETABLE PIE
Want to know how fruit feels when you put it in a blender? It feels like EVERYONE TO THE ANDERSON! Their song 'Jump Your Bones' is like Rage Against The Machine with added hair on the balls. I love it! (Just don’t let these guys near a sniper rifle in a crowded shopping mall if you know what I mean)
RATING: SHARKS FIN SOUP
Picture the scene. You are a playboy of the 1980s. You are cruising the beach in a sophisticated car, and your hair is looking great. But suddenly a dilemma! What music should you listen to? Well, you could always try UNKNOWN LANGUAGE.. The urban smoothness on display here will shave you faster than the latest gillette razor, and hey- even if you don’t like ambient electro, go to his myspace because you can play the original Pac Man arcade game there! Everybody’s a winner!
RATING: PRAWN COCKTAIL
I always like to wake up to a bit of speed metal in the mornings, so it’s a joy to hear ATOMIC SUPLEX doing the rounds. These savage Londoners wear motorcycle helmets when they play live, and they make the noise of Atari Teenage Riot going through a particularly tough moment in puberty! Ahem.
RATING: SWEET POTATO SALAD
If indie bands were allowed to soundtrack Science Fiction movies, SMILING STRANGE would make for a great Blade Runner, I think. Their song ‘You And I Are Dangerous’ has that kind of noodle bar chase sequence atmosphere. Infact, I might put this on my ipod and go running through some noodle bars, pretending to be chased! Er… possibly.
RATING: NOODLES
POST SEXUAL LITERATURE / DEMOS TO:
ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN
5 VICTORIA MANSIONS
133 HOLLOWAY ROAD
LONDON
N7 8LZ
www.myspace.com/alfonzosdemokitchen
Why minnaar, where did they get the name from?
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